It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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