I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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