I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
