I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
