I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
it's great music for shaving your balls
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Randomize
