I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
