why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I stole a fireplace last night.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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