Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
