So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
