i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Randomize
