I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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