I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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