Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Randomize
