Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
im having a threesome with these popsicles
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize