i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Did we literally take a cab across the street
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I am naked and annoyed.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
