im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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