pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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