She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
