Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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