we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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