don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
