His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
it hurts more in the daytime
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
