you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
