You work out of a Hotel?
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
