I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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