He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
