Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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