look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
