when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
