question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
