i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
