...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
