My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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