all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
