Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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