I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Two words: nipple clamps
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