well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
