You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
