I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
