i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
