On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
