I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
