I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
