Well douche your snatch and let's go!
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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