Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
