ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
