she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
