Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
