The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
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