make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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