new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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