We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
