We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
