Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
