is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
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