im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
