omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
