The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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