believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
