So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
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She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
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He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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