Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
