What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
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hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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