overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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