My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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