She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
