May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
