I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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