The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
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Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
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I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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