i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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