I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
