Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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