I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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