I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
