Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
