Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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