I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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